Desperate times....

Well - you know the rest of the sentence. And desperate measures, here we come. After Zipper almost sent Randy over the edge last night with her chewing, cat attacking, and overall crazy madness I decided the battle had reached a new level and I needed to begin pumping up the weaponry. I had to admit - she is out of control. I am thinking about sending a video of her into "Puppies Gone Wild". If she had a shirt, she'd be lifting it up to flash random strangers right now. But seriously, the chewing has gone too far.

Exhibit A: Sofa Pillow made by My Mom

Exhibit B: Sofa Pillow made by Big Important Sofa Pillow Company

I won't back down - I came here to win. Just wait until Zipper finds out what I have up my sleeve. The following is Super Secret Strategic Planning and I'm letting YOU in on it.

First: Offensive maneuver: Distract the enemy. Give her some temptation she can't resist - temptation that tastes a lot better than sofa pillows (one would hope).

Second: Covert Op: Make the enemy work for food. Put all her food in this ball that will only dispense a couple of kibbles at a time and only after she expends her energy pushing it around the room. The enemy won't have as much energy left to assume her identity as "Destructo Dog".

Third: Sneak Attack: When you don't have a fence to contain your enemy, hook her to a yard stake with a 15 foot line in yet another attempt to run out her energy.

Will we win the war? We can't be sure. As Leslie would say, "this one will be a real butt clincher". But the only thing we have to fear is - well - biting, chewing, peeing, pooping, cat attacking, and digging. But we should be brave and press on into the tretcherous night - fighting for truth, justice, and the American Way - and of course, maybe more importantly - undamaged sofa pillows. Wish us luck, say a prayer for the brave man and woman on the front line in Covington, and, above all remember - Freedom is not free! Fight the occupation! Don't tread on me! ....and so forth!