Zookeeper

Are the inmates running the asylum? Are the animals controlling the zoo? Yes they are - at least here at Chez Marksberry. I realized this tonight after I vacuumed the living room for the fourth time this weekend. Now I have known for a while that we were in trouble. We humans are, after all, outnumbered in the house and have been clinging onto a shred of what we innocently assumed was control (update: as I write I have just heard a loud, surely animal related "crash" in the other room - I'm pretending I didn't hear it - maybe it will just go away). But who are we kidding?

By way of illustration, the following is a list of occurrences at our house just this week; occurrences I know I didn't bring about and I'm pretty sure Randy didn't bring about......Which leaves only the non-human members of the tribe:

1. Our new area rug mysteriously has a quarter-size bald spot; I don't think Rogaine will help.
2. Randy started his day by stepping on what could only be referred to as a "hair log", swimming in a pool of cat saliva and stomach acid - lovingly waiting for him on our carpet.
3. Our ficus tree (or as Leslie would call it, the "fakeus tree" since it is artificial) has barely any fake moss left in its planter. In a related story our floor has an ever-increasing layer of fake moss. Apparently the animals are unhappy with our design style and have taken it upon themselves to begin redecorating.
4. The decorative photograph display that sits on our antique steamer trunk was relocated to the floor of the surrounding area.
5. There was a small piece of poop apparently left as an offering on our rug. The only animal who poops on the floor never poops that little. The rest was never located - which, unfortunately means that someone had a snack...)
6. I used up an entire lint-roller on one cushion of the couch where the cats like to sit and look out the window. On a positive note, I think I may have enough fiber for my feline-hair sweater.

In the interest of fairness (I'm nothing if not open-minded) I am letting each animal provide a brief rebuttal below. Please note that the views expressed by the animals on the Zipperific blog do not necessarily represent the views of the staff or producers of the Zipperific blog or its parent company, K&R Enterprises, Inc.

The Linus Liturgy

Name: Linus Marksberry

Nicknames: Liney-bottoms, Liner Notes, Honey Buns, Linums, Liney

Hometown: Barn in Burlington, KY

Interests: Safety, Worshiping random flickers of light, Staying away from Zipper, Impersonating a rug, studying for the priesthood

"Honestly, I don't know what she's talking about. Its the other two hellians I am forced to live with causing all the ruckus. Believe me - if I could stop them I would. I try - I tell them they are going to get in trouble and that their souls are in jeopardy. But do they care? NO. They are also in blatant disregard of the safety guidelines I have developed for the household. I wash my paws of this entire situation and if the other two end up in you know where, its not my fault. Okay - I suppose the "hair log" was my fault - but how can you blame me for that? Did I ask to be born with this beautiful mane of flowing hair?

Einstein's Musings

Name: Einstein Marksberry

Nicknames: Einers, Bubble Butt, Einey, Moron

Hometown: Girl Scout Camp Butterworth, Maineville, OH

Interests: Playing in water, Tipping water dishes over, Jumping on the trash can, grand theft, playing with plastic milk jug rings, proving how cool I am by jumping on really tall things, looking out the window, impersonating Superman.

"Whatever. I do what I want. I'm a rebel without a cause. That's just the MAN talking, tryin' to keep a kitty down..........but please don't stop feeding me."

Zipper's Zap

Name: Zipper Vienna Marksberry

Nicknames: Zippy, Zips, Zip Lock, Zipperino, Zipmeister, Little Z, puppers

Hometown: Mobile Home, deep in Flemmingsburg, KY

Interests: Food, snacks, treats, bones, water, biting, Einstein's tail, Aunt Murphy, "nesting" in the afghan basket, pooping inside, jumping off things, licking

"Look how cute I am. Don't believe the rhetoric - believe the puppy. Could these eyes ever be guilty of such destruction? I'm cute - I'm cuddely! And I love you! All of you! Lick lick."

Once again - please refer to the afore mentioned disclaimer. So now you've heard all sides of the story and it is up to you to decide who you believe. All I can say is: remember who has the opposable thumbs, here.

Crafty Lady Update

What was I thinking? Does anyone actually think this will ever metamorphasize into an actual afghan or should I stop diluting myself?

On the brighter side, I picked up the food dish I painted from being glazed and fired and it looks pretty good. Here is a "still life" and an "action" shot. Enjoy!